In The Name Of Love

This song's been stuck in my head for awhile now, and I think it's because a huge part of me resonates with the song... the lyrics... the feelings.... the expression... how its portrayed.

Question. Would you do anything "In The Name of Love", even if it meant going against going your own morals, your own conscience, or completely deceiving yourself, and becoming someone who you're not, for someone else, just because you, well, 'love' them?

If I told you this was only gonna hurt
If I warned you that the fire's gonna burn
Would you walk in?
Would you let me do it first?
Do it all in the name of love
Would you let me lead you even when you're blind?
In the darkness, in the middle of the night
In the silence, when there's no one by your side
Would you call in the name of love?

In the name of love, name of love
In the name of love, name of love

In the name of, in the name, name
In the name, name

If I told you we could bathe in all the lights
Would you rise up, come and meet me in the sky?
Would you trust me when you're jumping from the heights?
Would you fall in the name of love?
When there's madness, when there's poison in your head
When the sadness leaves you broken in your bed
I will hold you in the depths of your despair
And it's all in the name of love

In the name of love, name of love
In the name of love, name of love

In the name of, in the name, name
In the name, name

I'm a strong feminist (should I say?) One who believes that every Queen has her own right, as much as a guy has; one who believes in justice and equality for ladies as much as every man does. But as strong as I may seem, I may be, I'm still what I am, a girl.

And like every girl, I too fall in love & out of love. I have crushes on, I feel infatuation, I like, I have interests. I wanna feel adored and loved too. 

But there's this one thing, which I sometimes hate myself for.

[To conform to the ridiculous and absurd standards of today's society, that is considered "normal".]

What is "normal" you may ask?

To be busty, to have an ass, to have a small waist, to be SKINNY, to be SLIM to have perfect skin, to be beautiful, to be tall and graceful(which I am obviously not), to be elegant and pretty, to carry yourself flawlessly, to not screw up, to not be a dork, to not make yourself look stupid or funny.

I feel like I have to LOSE WEIGHT, SLIM DOWN, GAIN A BETTER ASS, HAVE A BETTER FIGURE, in order to feel confident... In order to feel more confident... to love someone... to love someone better... someone out of my league...

You need to be at least a 8/10(above avg), if you wanna get that 20/10(OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE) FML

It's like if you want him/her, you gotta be or act a certain way.

I hate it.

It disgusts me, absolutely.

And yet, I have this thinking in my head.

When people see this extrovert, bubbly and confident personality, they love me. And I'm ever so grateful.

But sometimes, it not like that. I'm not like that all the time.

I feel insecure, I feel upset too, I feel embarrassed, I feel unworthy, I feel like I'm not good enough, or rather never good enough.

I know I'm not exactly making a point, but I guess what I wanna say is,

I think I need to stop thinking so negatively.

Maybe yeah, I'll do diets, I'll do exercises, I'll work out and lose a few pounds.

But at the end of the day, I need to tell myself that I'm doing it for me. 

Not for anyone else. Not for him or her.

Just like how applying make-up to feel confident; to do it for yourself & not any other person.

Xoxo, till next time.